i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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