i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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