I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
