There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
