I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
