I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
