Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
