youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
