dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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