I'm gonna have a badass scar
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
