just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And then he peed in my hair
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