he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
