all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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