why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
