He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
