So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
