apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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