I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
