4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
