I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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