I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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