I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
