I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
