the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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