I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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