You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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