woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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