The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
