Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
