Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
