Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
