Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Your dad touched me again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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