Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
