Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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