I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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