I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
