Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
