Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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