A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She even gives head with a lisp.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She bit a glass in half.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
