then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
