i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
