I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
