I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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