Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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