i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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