you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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