Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
