You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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