My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
