I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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